Best-kept secret: you will benefit and be healthier for it.
For this holiday issue, I had originally planned to share some of my favorite health gadgets that would be good stocking stuffers. (Okay, they might not exactly fit into your stocking.) But thinking about the holidays more gave me pause to reconsider something less commercial and much more important, the subject of generosity, especially as we enter one of the most social times of the year, for some, and for others, the loneliest.
It turns out the best medicine for our body and soul is low-tech; i.e., cultivating a practice and mindset of generosity which in turn leads us to healthy connections. With our busy 24/7, always-on schedules, it is easy to lose sight of this. While the latest technology can measure important bodily functions and biochemistry markers, most experts agree one of the strongest keys and indicators (all else being equal) leading to longevity turns out to be the strength of our relationships and community. This was an underlying finding in the research of the Blue Zones, for example. One of the best routes to achieving strong relationships and community is to embrace the practice of generosity. There is no better time than the holidays to begin—a little goes a long way.
During the holidays, countless ads urge us to buy more stuff and tout all the things we cannot live without. But living what I call “the generous life” is about more than spending money or gifting money to others. Yes, that can be part of it if you have it to give. But even for those individuals, it is about so much more. It is an attitude and a mindset of using one’s skills, time, attention, and, yes, money, to notice and meet needs among our friends, families, and our immediate and greater communities.
GENEROSITY BEGINS WITH NOTICING
If one is to commit to a life of generosity, first one must notice. Notice, first, what is going on with you. Then secondly, what is going on with those around you?
Let’s begin with you. What is keeping you from being more generous? How you can be more generous in each moment and interaction? I like to think that in an ideal world (we all have our bad days), each interaction leaves the other person better than before, albeit ever so small—even a smile or a comforting word can be an expression of generosity. Examine what your attitudes are about money and possessions. How do you feel about lack versus abundance in your life? If you give something away, will you have less as a result, or do you believe something even better is coming your way that will replace it? Do you believe in circulation? If you fall into the hesitant camp, just notice and make the effort anyway, beginning with small gestures, and see what happens. It is like exercising a new muscle: it may feel awkward in the beginning, but the more you use it, the easier it becomes until it’s a reflex. Be brutally honest with yourself—this is subtle work.
Practicing generosity also means becoming aware of others and recognizing their needs. To do that, one must be a good observer. Plus, it is hard to be self-absorbed when we focus on others. What do they want, what do they need, what is keeping them from their goals that you might be able to help with? This can be as simple as fulfilling a life partner’s, a child’s or even a pet’s need for more focused attention, or it could be as grand as a nonprofit seeking to build a new building or produce a gala or an event.
PRACTICING GENEROSITY MAKES YOU HEALTHIER
As it turns out, cultivating generosity is good for you—the giver. There are a whole host of physical, and even longevity, benefits. First, it causes our brain to secrete a cocktail of chemicals such as serotonin (mood), dopamine (pleasure), and oxytocin (a sense of connection). There can also be a release of endorphins when helping another.
And there is more. It decreases our cortisol, a stress hormone linked to premature aging when consistently elevated. Too, generosity can lower blood pressure, surprisingly like exercise and a healthy diet.
INCLUDE DIFFERENT KINDS OF GIVING IN YOUR “GENEROSITY PORTFOLIO.”
A study by Inagaki and Ross published in the Psychomatic Medicine Journal of Biobehavioral Medicine focused on looking at brain activity in relation to two kinds of giving. They called one “targeted”
(e.g., giving money to someone we are close to) and the other “untargeted” (e.g., giving money to a charity). While “both forms of support triggered increased activity in the brain’s ventral striatum, which is an area linked to altruism … only targeted support
was associated with diminished brain activity in the amygdala.” Increased activity in the amygdala is observed in a variety of stressful situations and disorders. Their research “suggests there is a neural pathway that ultimately influences health that is specific to targeted forms of support-giving, such as giving to specific people we know are in need.”
This finding supports the benefits to both kinds of giving and does not minimize the importance of giving to charities, but it also underscores the importance of what I like to think of as creating a
balanced “generosity portfolio,” whereby we practice various kinds of generosity in our life. It would seem here that “targeted” generosity
is much more personal, but “untargeted” giving (e.g., to charities or to our community) is essential, too. It is important to make sure your generosity portfolio contains both kinds of giving.
For ten years, I was involved with a successful nonprofit the mission of which was to serve older adults across all phases of their older adulthood. Their mantra, which I internalized as my own, was to “meet needs.” That is a beautiful way to think about serving, living, and giving, as it is not just about money. Besides money, “meeting needs” is also about acts of service and creating a relationship between the giver and the receiver. A Finish psychology expert and philosopher, Frank Martola, summed up in five words how to be happy, “Make yourself meaningful to others.” That is exactly what practicing generosity does.
Many of the world’s religions embrace the tenet of service. True giving is about giving without expectation. It seems the more we practice generosity, the more generous our own world becomes. We receive more, although not always directly. Work by sociologists Brent Simpson and Robb Willer “[has] suggested that when you give to others, your
generosity is likely to be rewarded by others down the line—sometimes by the person you gave to, sometimes by someone else.”
Life is a dance of giving and receiving, and we must honor those who give to us as well. And remember to give to ourselves. It is hard to give to others when your glass is empty.
WE ARE HARDWIRED TO HELP
The good news is, if you are questioning exactly how generous you are, you are probably subconsciously helping others more than you give yourself credit for. In a cross-cultural study conducted by UCLA assistant professor Giovanni Rossi and others and published in Scientific Reports (2023), the study found, “a desire or need for immediate help is signaled … very frequent(ly) in everyday interaction among familiars, whether kin or non-kin, (and occurs) on average once every 2.3 min.
When immediate help is sought, people comply, on average, seven times more often than they decline; six times more often than they ignore; and nearly three times more often than they either decline or ignore. This preference for compliance is cross-culturally shared and unaffected by whether the interaction is among kin or non-kin.”
It seems, as humans, we are biologically hardwired to help each other. “Large-scale social realities are built out of small-scale moments like these,” according to Rossi and his coauthors. And we have a “uniquely evolved cooperative psychology.” This might also explain why random acts of kindness can be so gratifying (add those to your portfolio, too).
“You don’t need to become a self-sacrificing martyr to feel happier. Just being a little more generous will suffice,” notes professors Phillipe Tobler and Ernst Fehr, both from Switzerland’s University of Zurich Department of Economics. They conducted a study on understanding the neural pathways of the brain in relation to generosity.
In a 2003 study on elderly couples at the University of Michigan, Stephanie Brown and colleagues found even small acts of generosity were important to longevity: “those individuals who provided practical help to friends, relatives, or neighbors, or gave emotional support to their spouses, had a lower risk of dying over a five-year period than those who didn’t.
Interestingly, receiving help wasn’t linked to a reduced death risk.” It seems in this case, it is better to give than to receive.
EMBRACE GENEROSITY THIS SEASON
So, be bold and tap your inner generosity this holiday season. If you have moments of hesitation, thinking well, maybe, that new sweater would look better on you than your sister or brother, it is okay. Forgive yourself for a fleeting moment of temptation; we are human.
Just like cultivating mindfulness or gratitude, embracing generosity is also a practice that must be nurtured and a lifelong journey. Ignore the urge to resist. Show up as your most generous self; it will be your greatest gift—both to yourself and to others. (This would be a good New Year’s resolution for 2024. Consider it.)
Have a wonderfully generous holiday season. Note: Nothing in this article constitutes professional medical advice. Please consult your health practioner if you have questions or any underlying physical or mental conditions.
Lydia is a passionate advocate of healthy living. She has launched and positioned many health and wellness-related companies, products, technologies and organizations receiving more than 100 awards nationally and internationally.
Her focus in the health sector is specifically on healthy living, aging and longevity. She is a partner and investor in several recognized national brands. She sits on the board of the Buck Institute for Research on Aging whose mission is to eliminate the threat of age-related disease for today’s and future generations. It is the only independent research organization globally dedicated to extending the healthy years of life. Like the scientists at the Buck, Graham envisions it will be possible for people to enjoy life at 95 as much as at 25. To support Buck’s mission, please visit www.buckinstitute.org.